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We all need companionship in our lives.  Without some experience of companionship our lives can become lonely and sad.  When John Donne said that no man is an island unto himself he was giving expression to the need human beings have to be in relationship.  Of course companionship is much more than being social.  It is the experience of mutual presence.  It is a space where our capacity for life is nourished by others.  It creates the possibility of becoming intimate with someone. This is why the type of relationship we call companionship is one of the most beautiful gifts we can give to each other. 

There are different descriptions of what companionship actually is.  One model is what two people experienced as they travelled from Jerusalem to Emmaus after the death of Jesus.  On their journey they were joined by an apparent stranger who walked with them.  Their relationship with the stranger began with the experience of mutual acceptance and ended with a shared meal.  On the road there was attentive listening and soulful conversation.

This is a good example of what we might call Christian companionship.  Christian companionship has four aspects.  It begins with an attitude of acceptance that is inclusive and that transcends race, colour, religion, class and sexual orientation.  It offers people a listening hear and an opportunity to tell their story.  It allows soulful conversation to develop, the kind of conversation that gives expression to the things that truly matter.  And it includes the experience of a shared meal, which is sometimes referred to as table fellowship.  In fact, the word companion comes from two Latin words ‘cum’ and ‘panis’ which literally mean ‘with bread.’

When we experience companionship in this way we find that the longing within us is satisfied.  The experience of Christian companionship can be the key to unlock our hearts.  It can also open up the teaching of Jesus allowing us to find meaning and life in the Gospel.  It is no wonder that the two people who were accompanied by the Risen Jesus on their journey from Jerusalem to Emmaus found themselves saying, “did not our hearts burn within us as he talked to us on the road and explained the scriptures to us” (Luke 24:32).  

I know a retired businessman who lives in Ireland.  He told me that about two years before the collapse of the economic boom known as the Celtic Tiger he said to himself, ‘I do not need to make by business any bigger. I do not need to take any more risks.  I am content with what I have.  I have enough.’ He said that it was this decision to accept that he had enough which saved his business when the downturn came and which ensured that he had some financial security in his retirement.

In the scriptures on the first Sunday of Lent we hear the story of what is referred to as the fall.  Adam and Eve were not able to say, ‘We have enough.’  Even though they were surrounded by beauty, were at peace with themselves and one another and experienced friendship with God, they still wanted more.  They wanted to be like God, they wanted to have the knowledge and the power of God.  Because they were not willing to accept their humanity, Adam and Eve ended up losing the harmony and intimacy they had enjoyed.

In the scriptures on the first Sunday of Lent we also hear the account of the temptations of Jesus in the desert.  The devil offered Jesus possessions, power and popularity as a programme for happiness. Unlike Adam and Eve, Jesus was able to say to the devil, ‘I have enough.  I am the Father’s beloved Son.  I have my belovedness. I do not need to build my life around accumulation, achievement and the approval of others. I do not need to get my value from these things, nor do I need to be defined by them.’

During the season of Lent we are offered an opportunity to say, ‘I have enough.  I have enough material possessions.  I have enough power.  I have enough popularity.’  In fact, Lent invites us to let go of the control that accumulation, achievement and the need for human approval can have over us.  The truth is we are not what we have, we are not what we do and we are not what other people think of us. We are God’s beloved sons and daughters and the Father takes delight in us.  Jesus knew who he was. Do we?  Jesus was able to say, ‘I have enough.’  Can we?

There are two ways of seeing.  These can be described as the first gaze and the second gaze.  The first gaze is influenced by the false self.  The second gaze comes out of the true self.  Our task as we journey through life is to move from the first gaze to the second gaze.

Most of us tend to see with the first gaze most of the time.  The first gaze is my default way of seeing myself and others.  It is also the way the culture in which I live tends to see me.  My first gaze is a reaction to my feelings of inadequacy.  I feel I am not good enough.  And if I am not good enough then others are not good enough either.  It is my feelings of inadequacy that make me defensive and fearful and competitive and judgemental and controlling and anxious.  Because of my low self-worth I need to accumulate and achieve in order to feel good about myself.  I also constantly seek the approval of others.  If I see myself in a negative way then I will see others in a negative way. I will also see the things that happen in the world in a negative way.

The second gaze is the way God sees. The second gaze sees me, other people and creation as good and loveable.  In the second gaze I am always worthy of love and belonging.  And so are others.  When I know that I am worthy of love and belonging, I am open and trusting and cooperative and inclusive. I am also able to take the risk of standing ‘undefended.’ 

So how do we develop this second gaze?  Well, one thing that can help us develop it is what we call contemplative practice.  What is contemplative practice? Contemplative practice is a way of sitting in silence that allows me to listen, to receive, to let myself be loved as I am, to accept the gift of my belovedness which has, in fact, already been given to me.  Contemplative practice enables me to see myself the way God see me – with love and tenderness.  Perhaps the best fruit of contemplative practice is compassion.  Through contemplative practice I am able to gaze on myself, others and the world with a compassionate heart.

Even though we long for the second gaze we tend to settle for the first one. This is because of the power of our wounds, especially the wound of conditional love.  Moving from the first gaze to the second gaze involves facing up to my false self which was actually created by the wound of conditional love.  This can be a difficult and demanding process.  For many of us it takes a crisis, especially a mid-life crisis, to make us finally accept that we are finding our value in what we have, in what we do and in what other people think of us.  At some point in our lives, we need to stop defining ourselves by our possessions, by our achievements, by our reputation but instead to find our value within, in our true self, in our belovedness.  The truth is we are not going to move into the freedom of the second gaze unless and until we stop searching for happiness in the wrong places.   

Traditionally the second day of February has been called Candlemas.  It seems that with ever-lengthening days by early February people used one less candle to light the household at night. 

In the past candles were essential sources of light during the hours of darkness.  Today candles, though not as essential, are still popular.  They are used for decoration, but also to create atmosphere.  In the Christian tradition candles have always been used as an important symbol of faith.  The candle is a simple reminder that Jesus rose from the darkness of death, that he is alive as our risen Lord and that he is constantly present with us lighting our way to our Father’s house.  The candle is also a symbol of our baptism.  When we were baptised, we were received into the glow and warmth of God’s love and became followers of Jesus. 

Of course, in the Christian tradition candles are used as aids to prayer.  They help us express to God what is going on in our hearts.  When we light a candle at a shrine in a church we are placing a personal intention, something dear to us, into God’s care and protection.  What is more, we are also making an offering of ourselves and our daily activities to God.   

The symbolism of using a candle as an offering of our lives to God is powerfully significant.  It suggests that our offering creates light.  This is what happened at the Presentation of Jesus in the Temple which we recall each year on 2^nd February.  When Mary and Joseph offered Jesus to the Father they were told that the offering they were making would become the light not just of their own lives but of the whole world.  The old man Simeon made this prophecy: “My eyes have seen the salvation which you have prepared for all the nations to see, a light to enlighten the gentiles and the glory of your people Israel” (Luke 2:30). 

Both the flame of a tiny candle and the words of Simeon are reminders to us that every gift of ourselves, every act of generosity, every sacrifice we make creates light, a light which lights up the darkness in our world, a light the darkness cannot overcome.  It is indeed much better to light a candle than to curse the darkness. 

In this book I reflect on the life and teaching of Jesus. I explore what it means to follow him. My purpose is to convince you that following Jesus is a life worth living.

Length: 68 pages. Cost: £5.00.

To order a copy send an email to: philipmcparland@hotmail.com. Please include your address.

Nowadays it is not uncommon to hear life being referred to as a journey. A journey is indeed a good image, a helpful image, to describe the pattern of our lives. It is also a good image to reflect on as we head into another new year.

Before we set out on a journey we need to do a few things. Firstly, we need to choose our destination, our journey’s end. Secondly, we need to find the route that will take us to our destination, the best road to travel. Finally, we must decide what we need for our journey, what it is that will help us to get to where we want to go.

The journey of life is similar. It too needs a destination. It is important to name what it is we want out of life. If we do not know what we want from life we may end up drifting along aimlessly, without a focus. At the end of our lives we would surely like to be able to say that we achieved our goals and fulfilled our dreams.

Then we need to choose a good road to take us to our destination. Is the road we choose a sure road, a safe road? Is it well signposted? Does it provide opportunities for meeting people and experiencing companionship? Does it allow us to view the scenery on the way, to appreciate the good things we have and to notice the beauty around us? Or is it like a motorway, fast, efficient, competitive and monotonous?

Finally, we must decide what we need for our journey. Do we need other people? Do we need God? Do we need the love, support and strength of the three F’s – family, friends and faith? Or do we prefer to go it alone, to travel by ourselves, to depend mainly on our own resources?

I have a small poster in my living room which says, “Happiness is not a destination; it is a way of life.” Those who walk the Camino across the north of Spain to Santiago de Compostela say that what happens to them while they are walking the road is as important as what happens when they get to Compostela. The way we travel the road of life is just as significant as getting to the destination we have set for ourselves. So, let’s slow down, let’s enjoy the ride. Let’s savour the host of opportunities that come our way. God is present in the here and now waiting and wanting to be recognised and known. What we used to call ‘the sacrament of the present moment’ has indeed something to teach us about the journey of life.

A chance encounter and conversation on a plane journey was the inspiration for this little book. I help a man called Thomas to understand what is driving our western lifestyle and why this may be the cause of much of our dissatisfaction and anxiety. I then offer Thomas some advice on how to live a meaningful life. This advice is focused on five values which I present as five invitations.

To order a copy send me an email at philipmcparland@hotmail.com. Please include your address. Cost: £5.00

To order a copy send an email to philipmcparland@hotmail.com. Please include your postal address. Price: £5.00 plus P&P

Whether we are aware of it or not there is a huge hole inside of each of us that we are constantly trying to fill, often without success.  This hole has a major influence on the way we live our lives.  Our problem is we try to fill this hole with the wrong things.  We think that things like possessions and work and popularity will take away our inner ache and satisfy our longing for happiness.  The truth is they don’t.  Accumulation, achievement and our need for the approval of others cannot fill our empty hole.  To believe otherwise is an illusion and a false philosophy.  We human beings have a terrible habit of looking for happiness in the wrong places.

The hole inside of us can only be filled by love.  It is love, in fact it is unconditional love, that takes away our inner restlessness.  This is why God is the only one who can fill our empty hole.  Only God is unconditional love.  God loves without requirements and without restrictions.  To let ourselves be loved as we are by God is the only way to satisfy the yearning in our hearts. 

To let myself be loved unconditionally by God is to know that I am enough.  When I am able to say, ‘I am enough’ I am able to say, ‘I have enough.’  If I am not able to say, ‘I am enough’ I will continue to want more.  I will want more and more possessions, information, success, recognition, approval, power. To be able to say, ‘I have enough’ is a sign that I am filling my inner hole with the right kind of love.

Of course the culture we live in today does not make it easy for us to say, ‘I have enough.’  Our culture is driven by capitalist and consumerist philosophies; by making money and spending money.  It is notable how often we are referred to in the media as consumers.  Our culture is also driven by a work ethic that has us measure our worth by what we do, by our achievements and successes.  Then there is the impact of social media sites like Facebook that feed our desire for attention and the approval of others.  There are powerful forces at work in our lives that want us to fill the hole we have inside with the wrong things.  It takes a lot of self-awareness to recognise these forces and much courage to say ‘no’ to them. 

There are two ways to fill the hole we have inside.  One works, the other doesn’t. The decision is ours to make!

One of the great Advent figures is John the Baptist. John was a prophet and he has some helpful things to teach us about how to prepare for Christmas.  Let me mention three all beginning with the letter S.

John was single-minded. The focus of his life was Jesus.  He had come to prepare the way for Jesus and to point Jesus out when he came.  John let nothing distract him from centering his life on Jesus.  At this time of year there is a danger we would forget that Jesus is the reason for the season.  We need to try to keep Jesus at the centre of our Christmas preparations and celebrations.  If we don’t, Christmas will leave us with a sense of disappointment and perhaps even emptiness. 

We are told that John the Baptist lived out in the desert.  He sought silence.  Silence helped John not only to reflect but, more importantly, to listen to his heart. In listening to his heart John knew he was listening to God.  Silence enabled John to experience solitude.  Solitude is finding the Presence of God within.  It is prayer experienced as friendship.  Like John we too need times of silence in our lives, especially in the weeks leading up to Christmas.  How else can we glimpse the great wonder of God becoming human in a helpless, vulnerable child?  Without silence Christmas can be a superficial experience.

John also lived a simple life.  The scriptures tell us that he wore a camel skin and ate locusts and wild honey.  There was no excess baggage, no clutter or waste in John’s life. His life was focused on the essentials.  John’s example is an important one for us who live in a consumerist culture that is in overdrive for months before Christmas.  It often feels as if the real religion at Christmas is shopping. Of course it is a good thing at Christmas to give presents.  Gifts are an expression of our love and appreciation of others.  But there is so much needless spending and waste at Christmas.  Waste is offensive to the poor.  It also distracts us from the things that really matter – our relationships.  The investment we make in building relationships is much more important than our investment in material possessions. 

In the weeks leading up to Christmas John the Baptist’s message to us is clear. Don’t forget that Jesus is the reason for the season, create a little time for silence and put relationships before possessions.