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There are two ways of seeing.  These can be described as the first gaze and the second gaze.  The first gaze is influenced by the false self.  The second gaze comes out of the true self.  Our task as we journey through life is to move from the first gaze to the second gaze.

Most of us tend to see with the first gaze most of the time.  The first gaze is my default way of seeing myself and others.  It is also the way the culture in which I live tends to see me.  My first gaze is a reaction to my feelings of inadequacy.  I feel I am not good enough.  And if I am not good enough then others are not good enough either.  It is my feelings of inadequacy that make me defensive and fearful and competitive and judgemental and controlling and anxious.  Because of my low self-worth I need to accumulate and achieve in order to feel good about myself.  I also constantly seek the approval of others.  If I see myself in a negative way then I will see others in a negative way. I will also see the things that happen in the world in a negative way.

The second gaze is the way God sees. The second gaze sees me, other people and creation as good and loveable.  In the second gaze I am always worthy of love and belonging.  And so are others.  When I know that I am worthy of love and belonging, I am open and trusting and cooperative and inclusive. I am also able to take the risk of standing ‘undefended.’ 

So how do we develop this second gaze?  Well, one thing that can help us develop it is what we call contemplative practice.  What is contemplative practice? Contemplative practice is a way of sitting in silence that allows me to listen, to receive, to let myself be loved as I am, to accept the gift of my belovedness which has, in fact, already been given to me.  Contemplative practice enables me to see myself the way God see me – with love and tenderness.  Perhaps the best fruit of contemplative practice is compassion.  Through contemplative practice I am able to gaze on myself, others and the world with a compassionate heart.

Even though we long for the second gaze we tend to settle for the first one. This is because of the power of our wounds, especially the wound of conditional love.  Moving from the first gaze to the second gaze involves facing up to my false self which was actually created by the wound of conditional love.  This can be a difficult and demanding process.  For many of us it takes a crisis, especially a mid-life crisis, to make us finally accept that we are finding our value in what we have, in what we do and in what other people think of us.  At some point in our lives, we need to stop defining ourselves by our possessions, by our achievements, by our reputation but instead to find our value within, in our true self, in our belovedness.  The truth is we are not going to move into the freedom of the second gaze unless and until we stop searching for happiness in the wrong places.   

Traditionally the second day of February has been called Candlemas.  It seems that with ever-lengthening days by early February people used one less candle to light the household at night. 

In the past candles were essential sources of light during the hours of darkness.  Today candles, though not as essential, are still popular.  They are used for decoration, but also to create atmosphere.  In the Christian tradition candles have always been used as an important symbol of faith.  The candle is a simple reminder that Jesus rose from the darkness of death, that he is alive as our risen Lord and that he is constantly present with us lighting our way to our Father’s house.  The candle is also a symbol of our baptism.  When we were baptised, we were received into the glow and warmth of God’s love and became followers of Jesus. 

Of course, in the Christian tradition candles are used as aids to prayer.  They help us express to God what is going on in our hearts.  When we light a candle at a shrine in a church we are placing a personal intention, something dear to us, into God’s care and protection.  What is more, we are also making an offering of ourselves and our daily activities to God.   

The symbolism of using a candle as an offering of our lives to God is powerfully significant.  It suggests that our offering creates light.  This is what happened at the Presentation of Jesus in the Temple which we recall each year on 2^nd February.  When Mary and Joseph offered Jesus to the Father they were told that the offering they were making would become the light not just of their own lives but of the whole world.  The old man Simeon made this prophecy: “My eyes have seen the salvation which you have prepared for all the nations to see, a light to enlighten the gentiles and the glory of your people Israel” (Luke 2:30). 

Both the flame of a tiny candle and the words of Simeon are reminders to us that every gift of ourselves, every act of generosity, every sacrifice we make creates light, a light which lights up the darkness in our world, a light the darkness cannot overcome.  It is indeed much better to light a candle than to curse the darkness. 

In this book I reflect on the life and teaching of Jesus. I explore what it means to follow him. My purpose is to convince you that following Jesus is a life worth living.

Length: 68 pages. Cost: £5.00.

To order a copy send an email to: philipmcparland@hotmail.com. Please include your address.

Nowadays it is not uncommon to hear life being referred to as a journey. A journey is indeed a good image, a helpful image, to describe the pattern of our lives. It is also a good image to reflect on as we head into another new year.

Before we set out on a journey we need to do a few things. Firstly, we need to choose our destination, our journey’s end. Secondly, we need to find the route that will take us to our destination, the best road to travel. Finally, we must decide what we need for our journey, what it is that will help us to get to where we want to go.

The journey of life is similar. It too needs a destination. It is important to name what it is we want out of life. If we do not know what we want from life we may end up drifting along aimlessly, without a focus. At the end of our lives we would surely like to be able to say that we achieved our goals and fulfilled our dreams.

Then we need to choose a good road to take us to our destination. Is the road we choose a sure road, a safe road? Is it well signposted? Does it provide opportunities for meeting people and experiencing companionship? Does it allow us to view the scenery on the way, to appreciate the good things we have and to notice the beauty around us? Or is it like a motorway, fast, efficient, competitive and monotonous?

Finally, we must decide what we need for our journey. Do we need other people? Do we need God? Do we need the love, support and strength of the three F’s – family, friends and faith? Or do we prefer to go it alone, to travel by ourselves, to depend mainly on our own resources?

I have a small poster in my living room which says, “Happiness is not a destination; it is a way of life.” Those who walk the Camino across the north of Spain to Santiago de Compostela say that what happens to them while they are walking the road is as important as what happens when they get to Compostela. The way we travel the road of life is just as significant as getting to the destination we have set for ourselves. So, let’s slow down, let’s enjoy the ride. Let’s savour the host of opportunities that come our way. God is present in the here and now waiting and wanting to be recognised and known. What we used to call ‘the sacrament of the present moment’ has indeed something to teach us about the journey of life.

A chance encounter and conversation on a plane journey was the inspiration for this little book. I help a man called Thomas to understand what is driving our western lifestyle and why this may be the cause of much of our dissatisfaction and anxiety. I then offer Thomas some advice on how to live a meaningful life. This advice is focused on five values which I present as five invitations.

To order a copy send me an email at philipmcparland@hotmail.com. Please include your address. Cost: £5.00

To order a copy send an email to philipmcparland@hotmail.com. Please include your postal address. Price: £5.00 plus P&P

Whether we are aware of it or not there is a huge hole inside of each of us that we are constantly trying to fill, often without success.  This hole has a major influence on the way we live our lives.  Our problem is we try to fill this hole with the wrong things.  We think that things like possessions and work and popularity will take away our inner ache and satisfy our longing for happiness.  The truth is they don’t.  Accumulation, achievement and our need for the approval of others cannot fill our empty hole.  To believe otherwise is an illusion and a false philosophy.  We human beings have a terrible habit of looking for happiness in the wrong places.

The hole inside of us can only be filled by love.  It is love, in fact it is unconditional love, that takes away our inner restlessness.  This is why God is the only one who can fill our empty hole.  Only God is unconditional love.  God loves without requirements and without restrictions.  To let ourselves be loved as we are by God is the only way to satisfy the yearning in our hearts. 

To let myself be loved unconditionally by God is to know that I am enough.  When I am able to say, ‘I am enough’ I am able to say, ‘I have enough.’  If I am not able to say, ‘I am enough’ I will continue to want more.  I will want more and more possessions, information, success, recognition, approval, power. To be able to say, ‘I have enough’ is a sign that I am filling my inner hole with the right kind of love.

Of course the culture we live in today does not make it easy for us to say, ‘I have enough.’  Our culture is driven by capitalist and consumerist philosophies; by making money and spending money.  It is notable how often we are referred to in the media as consumers.  Our culture is also driven by a work ethic that has us measure our worth by what we do, by our achievements and successes.  Then there is the impact of social media sites like Facebook that feed our desire for attention and the approval of others.  There are powerful forces at work in our lives that want us to fill the hole we have inside with the wrong things.  It takes a lot of self-awareness to recognise these forces and much courage to say ‘no’ to them. 

There are two ways to fill the hole we have inside.  One works, the other doesn’t. The decision is ours to make!

One of the great Advent figures is John the Baptist. John was a prophet and he has some helpful things to teach us about how to prepare for Christmas.  Let me mention three all beginning with the letter S.

John was single-minded. The focus of his life was Jesus.  He had come to prepare the way for Jesus and to point Jesus out when he came.  John let nothing distract him from centering his life on Jesus.  At this time of year there is a danger we would forget that Jesus is the reason for the season.  We need to try to keep Jesus at the centre of our Christmas preparations and celebrations.  If we don’t, Christmas will leave us with a sense of disappointment and perhaps even emptiness. 

We are told that John the Baptist lived out in the desert.  He sought silence.  Silence helped John not only to reflect but, more importantly, to listen to his heart. In listening to his heart John knew he was listening to God.  Silence enabled John to experience solitude.  Solitude is finding the Presence of God within.  It is prayer experienced as friendship.  Like John we too need times of silence in our lives, especially in the weeks leading up to Christmas.  How else can we glimpse the great wonder of God becoming human in a helpless, vulnerable child?  Without silence Christmas can be a superficial experience.

John also lived a simple life.  The scriptures tell us that he wore a camel skin and ate locusts and wild honey.  There was no excess baggage, no clutter or waste in John’s life. His life was focused on the essentials.  John’s example is an important one for us who live in a consumerist culture that is in overdrive for months before Christmas.  It often feels as if the real religion at Christmas is shopping. Of course it is a good thing at Christmas to give presents.  Gifts are an expression of our love and appreciation of others.  But there is so much needless spending and waste at Christmas.  Waste is offensive to the poor.  It also distracts us from the things that really matter – our relationships.  The investment we make in building relationships is much more important than our investment in material possessions. 

In the weeks leading up to Christmas John the Baptist’s message to us is clear. Don’t forget that Jesus is the reason for the season, create a little time for silence and put relationships before possessions.

There are two sides to every story. There are also two sides to every person; the good side and the not so good side. Unfortunately, often the not so good side tends to dominate. We have a tendency only to see the bad and the good becomes blurred, indeed neglected.

In the Gospel we meet a little man called Zacchaeus who was a victim of the tendency in human nature to see the bad (see Luke 19:1-10). His fellow Jews saw him as a tax collector and therefore as a traitor and a thief. For them he was a bad person, someone to be shunned, isolated and rejected. We can have no doubt that Zacchaeus was hurting inside.

When Jesus met Zacchaeus he too saw a tax collector. But he also saw something more, something better, something good. He saw the capacity for generosity and care in Zacchaeus’ heart. Instead of rejecting Zacchaeus, Jesus accepted him. He chose to dine in Zacchaeus’ house. Jesus’ attitude to Zacchaeus changed his life. He became a different person. His potential for good was awakened and he put his wealth at the service of the poor.

So what about us? When we look at other people what do we see? Do we see the good or the bad, the positive or the negative? If we see the good in others we open up a world of opportunity for them, we bring out the best in them. If we see the bad in others, we limit them, we imprison them, we confine them to a black hole.

And when we look at ourselves what do we see? When I look at myself do I see the good or the bad, the strengths or the weaknesses, the successes or the failures? Is my picture of myself a positive one or a negative one? It is a fact that many people carry within themselves a poor self-image and low self-esteem. There are obviously reasons why some people do not feel loved and lovable. But the objective truth is that everyone is made in the image of God, everyone is loved unconditionally by God and everyone is offered the same friendship of Jesus that Zacchaeus was offered. Each one of us is a good but weak human being. While we have a tendency to focus on the negative, Jesus always focuses on the positive.

The challenge for each of us is not to allow the imperfections, the flaws, the weaknesses to dominate the way we see ourselves, others and indeed the world around us. Human nature may be full of imperfection and failure, but it is essentially good and, in the end, the good will prove victorious.

The third thing the Lenten season invites us to practise is almsgiving. Jesus insisted that we care for those in need and that we do this without looking for a reward. “When you give alms, your left hand must not know what you right hand is doing; your almsgiving must be secret, and your Father who sees all that is done in secret will reward you” (Matt 6:3-4).

We can look at almsgiving in the specific and concrete sense of offering practical help to those who are hungry or homeless or without clothes. In Matthew’s Gospel chapter 25 Jesus makes it clear that this kind of charity is a non-negotiable essential for his followers. “When I was hungry you gave me to eat, when I was thirsty you gave me to drink; when I was sick or in prison you came to see me…. For as long as you did this to one of the least of my brothers and sisters you did it to me.”

But we also need to look at almsgiving in the much broader sense of our attitude to life. The late actress, Audrey Hepburn, once said, “As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping other people.” Our lives are not just about ourselves and our own needs. Our lives are also for others. When we serve others we are making a difference to their lives. We are also making a difference to our own. In fact, we are becoming who we are meant to be. We are showing love and love is the meaning and purpose of life. It is a truth that unless and until we give our lives away to others we do not seem to have them ourselves at any deep level.