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Happiness

The human heart has a longing for happiness. The difficulty is we end up looking for happiness in the wrong places. This is because we are wounded and under the control of the false self. Furthermore, the world in which we live is an imperfect place. It is a broken world, a divided world, indeed a cruel world. Our lives are affected by separation and self-interest and the evil we call sin.

One of the things that Mary the Mother of Jesus said to St Bernadette when she appeared to her at the Grotto in Lourdes was: “I do not promise you happiness in this life, only in the next.” Christians believe that our desire for happiness will only be truly fulfilled in God’s other world beyond the grave; in the place we call heaven. When Jesus speaks about happiness his concern is our lasting happiness, our eternal happiness. He often refers to the things that lead to lasting happiness and to the things that do not.

Jesus is clear and sometimes blunt. He tells us not to expect money or possessions or power or fame to make us happy. These things do not satisfy the deeper hungers in our hearts. Building our lives around accumulation and achievement and the constant need for human approval is futile and false. For Jesus what makes us happy is loving relationships. It is the quality of the relationships we have with ourselves, others and God that is the source of true happiness.

Building a relationship with God will certainly make us happy. When we invest time developing a relationship with God we discover that God knows us personally and loves us unconditionally. What is more, we discover that we have no need to prove ourselves to God or indeed to anyone else. Building caring and compassionate relationships with other people will also make us happy. Caring and compassionate relationships are what we long for and what we are made for.

We need to keep reminding ourselves that the only thing we can take with us when we die is the love in our hearts. Everything else will be left behind. Here is how The Little Book of Calm expresses this reality: “If you tend to get too serious about your work or your responsibilities it is good to remind yourself that the most common deathbed regrets have to do with neglected relationships, not unfinished business.”

An Act of Trust

There is a defining moment in the life of the great Abraham who is often referred to as our Father in Faith. God invited Abraham to sacrifice his only son Isaac. This was a huge ask for Abraham. Isaac was the child of his old age, his pride and joy, his only hope of posterity.

On the face of it, it seems cruel for God to demand that Abraham let go of his beloved son. But God needed to put Abraham to the test. It was important that the man he had chosen to be our Father in Faith would have complete trust in him. We know that Abraham responded to God’s request. He did what God asked him to do. He abandoned himself totally to God. In response God not only spared the life of Isaac. He also showered blessings in abundance on Abraham and his descendants. “I make a vow by my own name – the Lord is speaking – that I will richly bless you. Because you did this and did not keep back your only son from me, I promise that I will give you as many descendants as there are stars in the sky or grains of sand along the seashore. Your descendants will conquer their enemies. All the nations will ask me to bless them as I have blessed your descendants – all because you obeyed my command” (Genesis 22:16-18).

As we go through life our faith in God is tested. Difficult and painful experiences like failure, rejection, disappointment and sickness make us wonder if God is really loving and caring. Often in the face of suffering the silence of God can be deafening. Like Abraham we have a choice to make. We can either trust God in the hope that God will eventually bring good out of our pain or we can blame God for the distress we find ourselves in. Suffering can either draw us closer to God or make us bitter.

It is important for us to realise that God does not cause human suffering. Free will does. However God uses our suffering to strengthen our trust. God can best work in our lives when we allow ourselves to depend on him. Self-sufficiency keeps us distant from God; surrender brings us near to God. Growth in our spiritual lives requires deeper levels of surrender and trust. Abraham was richly rewarded for his great act of surrender and trust. So will we.

Our Deepest Belonging

It is not a good thing to put people on a pedestal. We are all weak, limited, imperfect and fickle. We cannot not disappoint one another. To expect too much from other human beings is to set ourselves up for constant disappointment.

It is the same with institutions. If we put too much trust in institutions we are going to be let down. In recent times we have seen how self-serving all the big institutions are. The flaws of our politicians, our bankers and our church leaders have been exposed often dramatically and with devastating consequences. No wonder so many people in our society seem to lack any kind of moral compass.

When it comes to the institution of the church it is important for us to realise that the church is not an end in itself but a means to an end. The primary reason the church exists is to bring people into a relationship with God. Our deepest belonging is to God. This means that our security is to be found in the relationship God has with us not in the institutional life of the church. People are often attracted to the church because they believe it will give them the certainty they crave. Those who seek certainty in institutional religion have a tendency to cling to every detail of church teaching and practice. No institution including the church can provide us with absolute certainty. Indeed the desire for certainty can prevent us from putting our faith in a loving and dependable God.

To mature in our faith we must move from belonging to encounter. It is not enough just to belong to the church. This will only satisfy some of our needs. Sooner or later we must have an encounter with God. An encounter with God is a uniquely personal experience and it helps us to take possession of the relationship God has with us. Only a relationship with God can nourish the deeper longings in the human heart. An adult Christian is one who has encountered God and who finds love and security in a living relationship with God.

It is an encounter with God that brings us into the mystical stage of religion. In the mystical stage of religion we know that we are loved unconditionally and that we have nothing to fear. This is the stage when we discover that God is our rock, refuge and strength. It is also the stage when we surrender and trust at deeper levels. Ultimately we must live by faith. To live by faith is to anchor our lives in God in the sure knowledge that God who is love is totally faithful to us.

Filling the Hole

Whether we are aware of it or not there is a huge hole inside of each of us that we are constantly trying to fill, often without success. This hole has a major influence on the way we live our lives. Our problem is we try to fill this hole with the wrong things. We think that possessions and work and popularity will take away our inner ache and satisfy our longing for happiness. The truth is they don’t. Accumulation, achievement and human approval cannot fill our empty hole. To believe otherwise is an illusion and a false philosophy. We human beings have a terrible habit of looking for happiness in the wrong places.

The hole inside of us can only be filled by love. It is the experience of unconditional love that takes away our inner restlessness. This is why God is the only one who can fill our empty hole. Only God is unconditional love. God loves without requirements and without restrictions. To let ourselves be loved as we are by God is the only way to satisfy the yearning in our hearts.

To let myself be loved unconditionally by God is to know that I am enough. When I am able to say, “I am enough” I am able to say, “I have enough.” If I am not able to say, “I am enough” I will continue to want more. I will want more and more possessions, information, success, recognition, approval, power. To be able to say, “I have enough” is a sign that I am filling my inner hole with the right kind of love.

Of course the culture we live in today does not make it easy for us to say, “I have enough.” Our culture is driven by capitalist and consumerist philosophies; by making money and spending money. It is notable how often we are referred to in the media as consumers. Our culture is also driven by a work ethic that has us measure our worth by what we do, by our achievements and successes. Then there is the impact of social media sites like Facebook that feed our desire for attention and the approval of others. There are powerful forces at work in our lives that want us to fill the hole we have inside with the wrong things. It takes a lot of self-awareness to recognise these forces and much courage to say ‘no’ to them.

There are two ways to fill the hole we have inside. One works, the other doesn’t. The decision is ours to make!

The Gift of Silence

A number of years ago I took an early morning walk through the streets of Dublin. It was summer. The sun was shining brightly, the birds were singing and the air was still. As I enjoyed this unusual experience of city silence a young man rode past me on a bicycle. He had a radio tied to his handlebars and it filled the silence with loud pop music. Later I shared my experience with someone I considered wise. His insight was helpful. “We have a tendency to fill silence with noise rather than turn it into solitude.”

Many of us find silence difficult, perhaps uncomfortable. Because of this we are not willing to create times of silence. What is more, if we are offered opportunities for silence we fill them with all sorts of noise. Silence does not have to be something we avoid. In fact, it is something we can treasure.

It is said that happiness is an inside job. Silence helps us to listen to what is going on within us, in our minds and hearts. An awareness of our deeper thoughts and feelings helps us to know who we are and to discover what it is we long for.

Silence also helps us to connect with God. In silence we can discover that we are never alone. In silence we are able to hear a ‘still small voice’ that tells us that we are loved and lovable as we are. In silence we can experience the companionship of God. This is what it means to turn silence into solitude. Solitude is finding a Presence in silence, a Presence that is accepting, affirming, reassuring and compassionate.

Jesus encourages us to make time for silence in our lives. He did so himself. The Gospel tells us that he often got up early in the morning and went off by himself to a ‘lonely’ place to pray. For Jesus silence was an experience of solitude. Silence can become an experience of solitude for us too.

A Personal Relationship

The heart of Christianity is not a rule of law or a code of behaviour. It is a Person whose love we receive and whose life we seek to imitate. Christianity is centred on a Person. At its core the Christian life is about a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. This is message of the Gospel. It is also reflected in the lives of the saints.

Perhaps one of the best descriptions of what Christianity is essentially about is to be found in the Gospel of John. In Chapter 14, verse 6, Jesus describes himself as “the way, the truth and the life.” This was obviously how John and his community of disciples experienced Jesus. For them Jesus was their way, their truth and their life. He was a real living person in their lives, a person who meant everything to them.

Among the saints whose spirituality is built around a relationship with the person of Jesus, three Carmelites are worth mentioning. For Teresa of Avila, Jesus was a friend. Indeed he was her best friend, her friend par excellence. This is why Teresa described prayer as an intimate sharing between friends. It is taking time frequently to be alone with the one whom we know loves us. Therese of Lisieux, popularly known as the Little Flower, also experienced Jesus as her friend. Speaking directly to him in her autobiography she says: “O Jesus, my first and only Friend, you whom I love uniquely.”

And then there was the experience of John of the Cross which is beautifully expressed in his poetry. John refers to Jesus as his brother, his companion, his master, his saviour and his reward. Indeed John goes even further. He calls Jesus his beloved. In his poem, The Spiritual Canticle, John writes:

“Let us rejoice, Beloved,
And let us go forth to behold
Ourselves in your beauty,
To the mountain and to the hill
To where the pure water flows.”

This is a captivating description of who Jesus can become for us. He offers us his love and friendship and he longs for ours in return.

The Heart’s Journey Home

“You have made us for yourself, O God, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.” These are the often quoted words of St Augustine. There is a longing in the human heart to come home. It is a longing for God who is the fulfilment of our hearts’ desires.

The longing in the human heart to come home is a longing to be held in the tender embrace of God, the Father of Jesus. It is a longing to live in the Father’s house. It is a longing for a room in the Father’s house, a room of our own where we can experience our belovedness, be ourselves and find peace. Jesus knows the longing we have inside us. This is why he tells us, “There are many rooms in my Father’s house. I go now to prepare a place for you, and after I have gone and prepared you a place I shall return to take you with me; so that where I am you may be too” (John 14: 2-3).

The journey through life is the journey home. But we cannot make the journey home alone; we are not meant to make the journey home alone. We need the companionship of other people. Without the companionship of other people we wither and die inside, emotionally and spiritually. The idea that the Christian journey is a private one is false thinking. Jesus gathered companions around him and so must we. We go to God with and through other people.

On the journey home we also need the companionship of Jesus. Jesus walks the road of life with us. He is the invisible companion of our life’s journey. He helps us find our way home. This is what Jesus means when he says, “I am the way, the truth and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me” (John: 14:6). To call Jesus our Saviour is to accept that we need his help and guidance to find our way home to the Father’s house. The heart’s journey home is a journey best made in the company of Jesus.